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Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Act 2; Scene 34: The Hardest Part of Being Pregnant

Being pregnant is incredible. 

It really is a miracle--I mean how in the world is something that will one day turn into a person like me actually growing inside of me? And that it can actually exist as something too small to see and then turn into a 6-8 lb baby in a few months?

And how are all of my organs magically being moved out of the way to make room for this little guy? And how are my muscles stretching to accommodate the temporary housing of our son?

And it's really pretty amazing when I can feel little flutters and kicks and realize that my baby is actually in there and living and growing and...well, communicating with me.

Being pregnant is amazing.

That being said, it is also amazing and rather incredible how much crap (sorry Mom--couldn't think of a more fitting word for this) your body goes through in order to multiply and replenish.

I mean, seriously--it starts out with incredible nausea (that may or may not go away). Just when you think you've found a cure for nausea in a lovely medication, you realize the medication causes other side effects, namely dizziness and extreme constipation. Joy. Then you get to take miralax to counteract that. Did I mention dizziness and feeling like you might pass out or fall over every once in a while? Oh yes, and then your skin dries up and you can't wear makeup for a few weeks, which is compounded by the fact that throwing up and said constipation has created a red splotchy rash all over your face due to broken blood vessels. Then the ligament pains start. And you can forget about sleeping well--what with not being comfortable and having to go to the bathroom every second. Although I realize how the lack of sleep and discomfort is merely prepping me for parenthood in a slightly more gently manner, it still bites.

But all of that--and I realize I have had it easier than a lot of women and still have lots more to go--all of that is topped by the worst part of being pregnant: 

the getting fat.

You are supposed to get bigger when you are pregnant, right? I mean, how else is the little guy going to fit anywhere?  I have been so looking forward to watching my baby bump grow and experiencing all that comes along with pregnancy. However--no one warned me that baby bump would seem much less like baby and much more like my own belly just filling out. How was I supposed to know that baby bump is very squishy and not at all what I imagined a "perfect little bump" to be? How would I know that my clothes getting tighter and my pants creating rolls in my tummy would be depressing rather than exciting?

And how can I not feel like I am just getting fat when I am feeling tired and lazy, as well as super hungry all of the time? Yeah, this combination is not super comforting. 

It seems like everywhere I am seeing these really cute pregnant women with a darling, perfectly shaped, perfectly placed baby bump. You can't even tell they are pregnant from behind. And I ask you this--where are these women coming from?!?!? 

Around 20 weeks I decided I should probably try to document some of my pregnant progress through photos--I'm sure I'll want to see the progress eventually. (Although it wasn't until 19 weeks that I could even bear to take a picture of myself because I figured about halfway is an acceptable time to start looking pregnant). And who knew that getting that "baby bump picture"--you know the one I mean--could be so impossible? Every time I had Robert take a picture I would take one look and cry out "Wha? Do I really look like that?" I know it wasn't just me, because one of these episodes resulted in Robert taking a picture, suggesting a different kind of outfit, trying different angles, and then handing me the camera saying, "It's useless." Yeah, no cute baby bumps here. 

I seriously thought that getting bigger would feel like another person taking up some space, not the same person making space by pudging up. And this has been the hardest realization and physical change of all. Maybe because I wasn't expecting it to feel quite like this? Granted, while other side effects of pregnancy may sound worse, this one tops it all--feeling fat. 

Oh--and after about 10 takes on different days, I found a baby bump picture that I don't hate. It actually worked out ok...and I am daring to show it to you now. 

Me at 22 weeks:
notice the "I'm not sure this is going to turn out" smile

Oh man I am so excited to have this baby. And, despite it all, I am so glad I get to experience all of this that goes along with it. I mean...how cool?

And I think I'll probably love him all the more for getting fat for him. I wouldn't want to do that for anyone else :-)


8 comments:

  1. Carson you look adorable!!! And I love your honesty in this post - I can't imagine all the ups and downs that come with pregnancy. :) Can't wait to meet your little boy!

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  2. You seriously do not look fat at all. You have a cute little baby bump :) Pretty as ever.

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  3. Oh can I ever relate to this one. My pregnancy went really well in the pain/nausea department. But I hear you on the getting fat topic. I was so paranoid! I HATED my appointments because of the weigh in. I felt so bloated, unattractive, etc. I was also very worried that I wouldn't be able to lose the weight, and I'd have to live with a 'new' body forever. I hated the fact that I had all of those vain thoughts, but it was so hard! I am so sorry that you are going through it as well, it is no bueno. By the last month of the pregnancy I didnt care as much because well, I was a beached whale by that point and there was nothing I could do. So I ate cake, ha.

    I am happy to report that you will probably lose ALL of the weight, and be back to normal once mr. center makes his debut! I gained 34lbs, and had lost 36lbs 13 days after Jayna was born. Thank goodness for nursing, haha.

    I always rolled my eyes when someone would comment on how 'good you look', because I never felt it. I really do mean it though when I say that you look so great! Everyone sees the perfect pregnant lady-you are the only one who doesn't, because you are so used to what your body normally is. Hang in there! You are beautiful!

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  4. Carson you are too cute!! I'm going through all of these same things too, so I know exactly how you feel :) I haven't even considered taking pictures because that would probably just depress me - but maybe I'll get braver later on!

    And let me tell you, you DO look amazing! Even though you might not feel like it (when people comment to me that "oh, you are just glowing" - I always respond "really? because I feel like I'm wilting!" ha.) I just know that when I am where you are now, I will probably have morphed into a small whale!

    But just think, you are more than half-way to meeting the most precious and most adorable thing that will ever come into your life :) Oh, and sorry I am randomly commenting on your blog - but I just love reading what other pregnant women have to say!

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  5. Carson, I forgive you for saying the "c" word. Dad and I laughed and laughed at this post! You said it so well for every pregnant woman out there. But contrary to what you say you look cute and adorable as a pregnant lady. The best baby bump I've seen!

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  6. This is all so true. And you tell it so well. And I think you look really good with that baby bump. Everyone else you look marvelous. Believe it!

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  7. You look just the way you're supposed to look - BEAUTIFUL!!

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