Being pregnant is incredible.
It really is a miracle--I mean how in the world is something that will one day turn into a person like me actually growing inside of me? And that it can actually exist as something too small to see and then turn into a 6-8 lb baby in a few months?
And how are all of my organs magically being moved out of the way to make room for this little guy? And how are my muscles stretching to accommodate the temporary housing of our son?
And it's really pretty amazing when I can feel little flutters and kicks and realize that my baby is actually in there and living and growing and...well, communicating with me.
Being pregnant is amazing.
That being said, it is also amazing and rather incredible how much crap (sorry Mom--couldn't think of a more fitting word for this) your body goes through in order to multiply and replenish.
I mean, seriously--it starts out with incredible nausea (that may or may not go away). Just when you think you've found a cure for nausea in a lovely medication, you realize the medication causes other side effects, namely dizziness and extreme constipation. Joy. Then you get to take miralax to counteract that. Did I mention dizziness and feeling like you might pass out or fall over every once in a while? Oh yes, and then your skin dries up and you can't wear makeup for a few weeks, which is compounded by the fact that throwing up and said constipation has created a red splotchy rash all over your face due to broken blood vessels. Then the ligament pains start. And you can forget about sleeping well--what with not being comfortable and having to go to the bathroom every second. Although I realize how the lack of sleep and discomfort is merely prepping me for parenthood in a slightly more gently manner, it still bites.
But all of that--and I realize I have had it easier than a lot of women and still have lots more to go--all of that is topped by the worst part of being pregnant:
the getting fat.
You are supposed to get bigger when you are pregnant, right? I mean, how else is the little guy going to fit anywhere? I have been so looking forward to watching my baby bump grow and experiencing all that comes along with pregnancy. However--no one warned me that baby bump would seem much less like baby and much more like my own belly just filling out. How was I supposed to know that baby bump is very squishy and not at all what I imagined a "perfect little bump" to be? How would I know that my clothes getting tighter and my pants creating rolls in my tummy would be depressing rather than exciting?
And how can I not feel like I am just getting fat when I am feeling tired and lazy, as well as super hungry all of the time? Yeah, this combination is not super comforting.
It seems like everywhere I am seeing these really cute pregnant women with a darling, perfectly shaped, perfectly placed baby bump. You can't even tell they are pregnant from behind. And I ask you this--where are these women coming from?!?!?
Around 20 weeks I decided I should probably try to document some of my pregnant progress through photos--I'm sure I'll want to see the progress eventually. (Although it wasn't until 19 weeks that I could even bear to take a picture of myself because I figured about halfway is an acceptable time to start looking pregnant). And who knew that getting that "baby bump picture"--you know the one I mean--could be so impossible? Every time I had Robert take a picture I would take one look and cry out "Wha? Do I really look like that?" I know it wasn't just me, because one of these episodes resulted in Robert taking a picture, suggesting a different kind of outfit, trying different angles, and then handing me the camera saying, "It's useless." Yeah, no cute baby bumps here.
I seriously thought that getting bigger would feel like another person taking up some space, not the same person making space by pudging up. And this has been the hardest realization and physical change of all. Maybe because I wasn't expecting it to feel quite like this? Granted, while other side effects of pregnancy may sound worse, this one tops it all--feeling fat.
Oh--and after about 10 takes on different days, I found a baby bump picture that I don't hate. It actually worked out ok...and I am daring to show it to you now.
Me at 22 weeks:
|notice the "I'm not sure this is going to turn out" smile|
Oh man I am so excited to have this baby. And, despite it all, I am so glad I get to experience all of this that goes along with it. I mean...how cool?
And I think I'll probably love him all the more for getting fat for him. I wouldn't want to do that for anyone else :-)